I am a Service Employee

What does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees. Deuteronomy 10:12,13

I have been in my current job for nearly 24 years under union contract with Service Employees International. As a licensed Pharmacy Technician, the "service" which I provide while performing my job is beneficial to those who receive the medications which I help to prepare under a licensed Pharmacist's supervision.

Due to the sad state of our country's economy, there continues to be an increasing amount of hardships people are facing throughout the United States. We have seen businesses close their doors for good, large corporations have called it quits, and we have seen far too many people lose their jobs. Without an income, the domino effect continues and many have lost their vehicles to repossession, and some have lost their homes to forclosure. Very few can claim complete immunity from the effects of the sad state of our nation's economy. The very city in which I am employed recently ranked number ONE in having the most housing forclosures in the entire nation!

Unfortunately four days ago, the fear of these economic uncertainties hit closer to home for me and my "family" of numerous co-workers when our very own employer began issuing region-wide notices for job layoffs as well. You see, even the nation's largest HMO (Health Maintenance Organization) isn't immune. Fears regarding the future became anxiety producing, even in this long time service employee. 'Will I still be employed in the future?' 'For how many more years will I be able to "serve"?' 'What should I do?' 'Should I consider the severance package?' 'How shall I prepare for the unknown?' 'What if....?'

I can easily become confused and start to panic while losing perspective but Moses makes it clear here. In a basic explaination of what God expects from us, we are to (1) Fear God, in other words, have respect for him. (2) Walk in all his ways by following him. (3) Love him. (4) Serve him with all my heart and soul. (5) Observe his commands.

I don't have the right answers. Only God knows the certainty of our future and God wants me to put my faith and trust in him and only him, and God wants me to continue to give my absolute best in my abilities of providing the best service that I am able. Putting all fear of job layoffs aside, while under the sterile compounding hood each day, I will continue to pray for blessings over each and every i.v. medication I prepare -- making each i.v. order with tender loving prayer. I will continue to pray for each patient specifically, and for their families. And I will continue to pray for the nursing staff and medical doctors who serve those patients as well.

Dear Jesus, I thank you for your constant love, for hearing my prayers, and for keeping my mind focused & my hands steady while I am at work preparing the i.v. orders. Only you know what the future has in store for all of us Service Employees who are facing potential job layoffs. Whatever happens, help me to accept it as Your Will. In the meantime I am truly honored to be YOUR Service Employee. I have a new understanding for what that means now! Thank you for all of my many blessings, and I ask for your blessings upon my co-workers who provide service right along with me! Thank you Jesus! Amen.

Number One Songs!

New songs sometimes become big hits and they make the Top 40 on the music charts. Sometimes the song moves into a better position and can make the Top 10! Sometimes if the song is a REALLY big hit it can become the #1 song and it might even remain in that #1 position for weeks or even months on end!

Sometimes when I am feeling low, I listen to Christian music and that lifts my spirits and makes me feel a whole lot better. Unfortunately more often than not, I forget to rely on those uplifting Christian songs! How silly is that!

So I will make it a habit and I will sing to the Lord for he is highly exalted....The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God and I will praise him, my Father's God and I will exalt him. Exodus 15:1-2

Dear Jesus, this 'hit' will always be #1 with me and will remain in my heart always!

The Driver's Seat

Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in you.

Soon after we married, my husband and I realized that if he is behind the steering wheel we often end up in silence in our travels together. My backseat driving eventually pushes Tom's patience beyond his limits. And Tom is a very patient man!

"Watch out!" is what spews from my lips as I brace my hand against the car door. I gasp in fear as I press my foot against the floorboard. I lean towards the center of the car in my perception of his getting too close to the edge of the road or the vehicle in the next lane as Tom passes them up. "How fast are you going?" I question, as I lean to check the speedometer. I have clenched my shirt while gasping for air and claimed to have "nearly had a heart attack." My fears cause me to want to have control. It goes unspoken, it's best if I take the driver's seat when we travel.

I allowed Tom to take the driver's seat with no hesitation on a recent getaway trip to San Francisco. I was suffering in a deep emotional depression and didn't have the desire to be in control. As I sat in the dark of night and the darkness in my mind while in the passenger's seat, Jesus had me realize something.

Jesus wanted me to know that my life could be less fearful but the choice is mine to make. It's all about control. With certainty, there will be fearful situations in life from time to time. (mental illness can cause tons of fear in itself!) But Jesus had me question myself "do you trust?" I was trusting Tom to take the wheel for a change. (And he didn't crash!)

Many things are not within my control and my attempts at trying to maintain control only proves to be frustrating. (If not for me, then those around me!) Jesus wanted me to know when to say enough, trust, and give control over to Him.

How easy is it for you to give up control?

Dear Jesus, please help me to be less controlling. I want to place my trust in you and be less fearful. Amen.

Comfort Food

Sometimes when I'm really sad or really frustrated I buy my favorite comfort foods to indulge in. I have a variety of favorite snacks I enjoyed as a child and I remember eating them with my mom! -- Bugles, Chicken in a Bisket, Fiddle Faddle, Cheez-Its, Ruffles or Lays potato chips eaten along with a homemade ice-cream soda, Shrimp Chips, Animal Cookies (the ones in the small box with a string-handle) and individual ice cream cups eaten with that wooden stick/spoon. And these are just a few of my comfort foods!

Sad to admit but sometimes "I really NEED a drink" and sometimes I will have a soda with Rum or some orange juice with Vodka. Junk food and/or alcohol is comforting to my mind and tummy for the moments but instead of leaning on these methods of comfort alone, I need to remember the comfort which Jesus has to offer my soul.......

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.... 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Turning to God for my comfort is better for my health too! I indulged in an assortment of comfort food over the past 11 months and I've gained 10 pounds because of it! Yikes!

Making Sense

It's been quite a long time since I last posted anything to this Blog. Not that I haven't been "wondering why" because that's just a given fact with an ADHD brain like mine.

Sometimes I wish my ADHD brain had an on/off switch, or a dimmer switch, so the thoughts could be "turned off" or at least "dimmed." "You think too much" is what people have repeatedly told me over the years. Ha! Like I can help it! God knit me in my mother's womb with this ADHD brain on purpose?! Ugh!

In "wondering" so hard & so deeply about a variety of things over the past several months, I haven't had much clairty through the many thoughts which whiz by at lightning speed in this ADHD brain. Until this morning that is........

In my recent frustrations and questioning the many thoughts conjured up in my ADHD brain, and from the deep sorrow & hurt I've experienced lately, and the many moments of "wondering why," the clairty was finally evident this morning when God led me to find the following.....

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. ~ Proverbs 3:5

Duh! How silly of me! How can I expect to understand everything? Some things just don't have any explanation! Only GOD knows everything. I need to remind myself of that fact from time to time when there just isn't any answer to be understood in my "wondering why."

Thank you God, for giving me this bit of clarity today!

Stalked and Preyed Upon

Since returning from the amazing week in Tahoe that we had, God has only sent me one messenger from His nature and it only made its presence just the other day.

I had been waiting for some sort of message from God but hadn't received any. I was beginning to get frustrated. None of my messenger friends were to be seen. No squirrels, no hummingbirds, no cotton-tailed bunny, no joyous singing from my late night songbird. And to top it off, I have yet to see my hawk friend who regularly sits on the wires along the same stretch of rural road which I drive daily, often more than once.

It occurred to me during my therapy appointment that God wanted me to realize that Jesus is ALWAYS with me. I think He wanted me to know in a tangible way that my "messenger friends" may come and go but Jesus never leaves me.

On the same day that God allowed me to finally "get this," He sent me a messenger from His nature but this time it was a vulture! A vulture is rapacious or predatory and lives on it's prey. My hawk friend reminds me that Jesus is always protecting me and is keeping his eye on me like a hawk. God wanted me to understand that Satan is also with me but in a predatory way, which is why God sent this stalking vulture messenger so I would make this connection in order to "get it."

So in searching for the actual message that God wanted me to know, He led me to
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 which explains.....Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

My messenger friends from God's nature purposely disappeared for awhile because I am not to fix my eyes on what is seen because they are temporary. But what is unseen is eternal.

Thank God for the things he does, and the timing in which he does it. He is absolutely amazing!

3 Certainties - I Finally "Get It"

Note: This is a really long blog which took many hours over a two day span to compose. God wanted to make sure I understood the significance before sharing it. Grab a cup of coffee or a Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi (my favorite) and enjoy......

While searching my Bible for what God wanted me to "get" during the earlier blog about our dog Angel, God also led me to a very important message he wanted me to understand.

In John Chapter 14 Jesus comforts his Disciples by explaining to them that he is going to His Father's House (heaven) to prepare a place for them. He said He will come back for them. He told them they know the place where he is going......

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house (heaven) there are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the place where I am going." - John 14:1-4

But Thomas doubted they would know the way since they didn't even know where Jesus was going. Philip wanted proof and said it would be proof enough if they could just be shown the Father. (That would be me, the skeptical one.)

Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him, and have seen him."

Philip said "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us."

Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say 'show us the Father'? Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. - John 14:5-11

Jesus was explaining 3 Certainties: He is 1) God the Father and also 2) Jesus, the son of God. Jesus in human form was explaining that it was God who was in him, and God was doing his work through him.

So in having a hard time understanding or believing in someone I cannot see (Jesus), God led me to read John 14:11 Jesus said Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. Being the skeptical questioning one, God knows I need tangible proof of things.

I for one, have seen evidence of many of His miracles in my life. I can attest to that. At first they seemed like "coincidences" but as more and more "coincidences" started happening in my life I began to view them as "freaky" due to my skepticism.

After many tangible ways of experiencing those "freaky" incidences in my life, (which most are journaled by the way) I can honestly say because of my "transparently following Jesus" there is no doubt that miracles DO happen. God knows what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, in order for me to "get it."

So in the attempt to fulfill the "purpose" God called us to do while here on earth, it is our choice to serve as Jesus was doing. We are to obey even though we might not understand or see what the "big picture" is. But if we respond with complete faith and with complete trust and ask with sincerety by prayer in His name, (not half-heartedly) He will do anything we ask in order to bring glory to God the Father.

I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it." -John 14:12-14

In my worrisome way of wondering, I have questioned how on earth am I to do as Jesus did? But along with the 1st and 2nd Certainties, in John 14:15-20 Jesus Promises the 3rd Certainty, 3) the Holy Spirit as it is explained.....

"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever -- the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.

The Holy Spirit is the third certainty and it is by the Holy Spirit living within us and guiding us that we can do amazing things for our Lord. This takes the pressure off of me in wondering how on earth am I going to be able to serve? A depressive ADHD "me" of all people. The timing and the place is not up to me though. I am to keep myself aligned with God's Will and in my obedience he will use me to fulfill the purpose he knit me in my mom's womb with long ago!

How wonderful it is that in this same Chapter which God led me to read, the hardest but most important question for me to "get" was also answered...

The most difficult thing for me to "get" has been knowing and believing the love Jesus has for me, especially when I often feel unlovable. Pastor Ellen and I have gone over this concept over and over again and I surely tried her patience with "not getting it." But she is very kind and never showed any irritation. And isn't it something that God would put her (a PASTOR) in my life!

There are bumper stickers or refrigerator magnets which say "Jesus loves you!" But those are just words in a statement. (well, in a song too) I understood in my head, but I did not feel Jesus' love in my heart. However, Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." - John 14:21

Jesus' love is not something to be tangibly felt. His love is not something we are able to physically feel. It is the promise of His love which we are told we are given in return for our love of Him and we show our love by obeying.

Jesus explained many things in this Chapter which God led me to find because of the messages which were sent earlier because of our dog Angel. Angel loves me very much and her love is unconditional. She is going to be sooo happy to see us when we get back home from Lake Tahoe. "Dog" spelled backwards is "God" by the way! Jesus loves me unconditionally too, but Jesus won't likely lick my face when I get "home!" (to Heaven)

I realize that the Holy Spirit is in me and it is because of the Spirit, my ability to have faith and trust will come more easily now. That's because my faith and trust is in HIM. There isn't reason for me to worry about how or when I will serve because that would mean having faith and trust in myself, which I certainly lack.

This is eactly what God wanted me to read today. God's timing is wonderful and he led me to read this at a time when it would be so easy for me to understand, and God knew rather than saying "Huh?" I would finally say "Ohhhhh, I get it!"

Indeed, there are 3 Certainties in life which would be........

Death, Taxes and Suzie asking questions and wondering why.

And by asking questions and wondering why, I am able to tell you there are 3 more Certainties in life which are of more importance and they are.......

Our Father, Son and The Holy Spirit!

By the way, there are 3 other Certainties which are Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is Love. - 1 Corinthians 13

Now I KNOW and BELIEVE that Jesus loves me and I am able to tell him "back at 'cha!"